I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
