Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
