Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
