Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
