I looked at my own cervix.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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