what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Girls should come with a carfax report
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
