I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
