I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I can't turn off my feet"
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
