You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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