Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
