A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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