I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
