No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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