I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Did I show you my penis last night?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize