its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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