You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
no more duck duck goose at the bar
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
