she sounds like chewbacca in bed
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize