I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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