So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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