I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
