Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
