You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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