he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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