peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Randomize