Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I need to align my fucking chakras
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
