his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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