Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I need to stop coming to work sober
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The power of my boobs compel you
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
