He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
