K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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