4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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