I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
