Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Randomize
