I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
