My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
