I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
