in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I did not marry a roomba.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
