I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
