My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
He told me they were just razor bumps!
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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