I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
