So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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