I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
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