we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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