She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Randomize
