Your face is a jimmy john
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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