I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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