she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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