Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
