Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
