My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
