You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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