Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Randomize
