Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Houston, we have a blender
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
