Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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