my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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