you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
