so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
