i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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