It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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