I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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