i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
