then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
