i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize