i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
