oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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