obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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