I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize