My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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