so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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