And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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