I'm drive I can fine osifer
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
