Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
