I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
