I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i already hear my dad disowning me
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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