i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
i think my cat just said my name.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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