I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
