Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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